Grimace saved the Mets. What else can he do for NYC?

Will Joe Biden finally listen if Grimace appeals on our behalf?

Grimace, right, waves from a placemat.

Grimace, right, waves from a placemat. mark peterson/Getty Images

Have you noticed that Grimace, McDonald’s newly resurrected purple mascot, is everywhere lately?  After Grimace threw the first pitch on June 12, the Mets won that game, and almost every game after. Grimace’s star power has continued to rise, celebrating his birthday at the Empire State Building (how old is he? Under 40?), subbing in as a train conductor (does he need a license?), and generally taking our city by storm. All this charisma and success has us wondering … what else could Grimace achieve for New York if he set his mind to it? (And got permission from his corporate overlords.)

  • Send Grimace to meet with President Joe Biden in DC to personally appeal for more federal aid to house migrants in New York City. Biden has ignored Adams’ constant requests for work authorization and funding … but would he really say no to Grimace?
  • Task Grimace with leading the rats out of NYC a la the pied piper, and he takes them straight into a rival baseball team’s territory (may we humbly suggest Boston).
  • Since Grimace is ~everywhere~ right now, if he oversees every individual classroom of toddlers, we should be able to offer 3K for all by 2025 - easy peasy. Maybe we even get the snack time hook up with free chicken tenders?
  • Grimace runs as the first truly bipartisan candidate for office … he’s PURPLE after all.
  • Grimace enrolls in the Craig Newmark Graduate School of Journalism, and while wearing an old-timey newsboy cap, sits down with Eric Adams and Ingrid Lewis-Martin to convince them that reporters are actually awesome, fundamentally reshaping the relationship between City Hall and the press corps.
  • Send Grimace in as a deescalation strategy for all future student protests - if he can handle New York sports fans, he can handle this.
  • All future subway improvements will be purple, and McDonalds will pay for them as a branding opportunity.